Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
