he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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