I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
