She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
