there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
