I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
