Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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