We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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