you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am one with the molecules
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
