so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
