I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
