evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
