I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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