It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
