I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
