She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
