You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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