mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
