my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
