The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
