So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
