I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
