i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
