Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
