I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
