Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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