Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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