Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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