I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
