And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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