just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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