You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
