I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
