He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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