you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
