i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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