I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
