PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
