so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
