I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
