I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
