I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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