I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My vagina is officially offended.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
