Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
