well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
