I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
