you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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