I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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