Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
