We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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