so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
They have beer where we have blood.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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