my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
