Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
