I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
