What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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