I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
