Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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