So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
