just come out here and I will go home with you...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
