They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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