She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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