yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
