just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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